There's much more to forgiveness than meets the eye

We all know that it is good to forgive people for their minor misdemeanours against us, and we expect them to do the same in return; this smoothes family and social relationships. After all, we are all fallible human beings and sometimes say or do things we regret. Forgiveness is a good means of dealing with this side of life.

But in the Biblical view, there is much more to forgiveness than that. In fact, if you have at some point been badly wounded by some very difficult circumstance, trauma or abuse, then you may find this topic challenging and difficult to hear. Please read on, if you choose to do so, with care.

While we probably find it possible to forgive others' minor actions, it becomes much more difficult when we have been badly wronged and emotionally wounded. Unfortunately, the Bible makes no such distinction according to how severe the transgression, and tells us to forgive others nonetheless: "…if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins" (Mark 11v25)

In fact, Jesus in the Lord's Prayer teaches his followers to pray: "Forgive us our sins, for we forgive everyone who sins against us" (Luke 11v4). If we will not forgive those who have wronged us, then God cannot forgive us either! It's not that God is reluctant to forgive us - far from it, for he longs to! - but rather he cannot deal with those areas of our lives, such as unforgiveness, that we hold onto tightly and will not put into his hands.

So, is the Bible seriously saying that we should forgive people if they have badly hurt us, even abused us or tortured us? And even if they are not repentant? Our natural response is to say, "Surely this is not fair; surely it is letting them off the hook and letting them go free! Surely God is just and will punish evil-doers?"

Well, that is the point: God is just, and will punish all who sin and do not turn to him in repentance - but justice is in God's hands and not ours. We are to forgive, to hold no claim, not even a grudge. As far as we are concerned, we are to let the perpetrator go free!

But why? Because this isn't just about letting the perpetrator off the hook, it's also about letting ourselves off the hook - the hook of bitterness, woundedness, of victimhood. It's about letting ourselves go free; it's about giving no scope for the devil to work evil in our lives through what has happened - leaving no room for anger, for revenge, or for resulting sickness of body or spirit.

So what about the perpetrator? They are, and always were, in God's hands, and God's alone; he is both loving and just and will decide that person's fate. Note that this is not simply saying 'you don't have to take revenge because God will do it for you'! Rather, it is leaving the outcome up to God, the ultimate and just Judge who has the power of eternal life and eternal death in his hands, but who will also forgive the vilest offender who truly repents.

But how do we actually do this? How do we let go of the hurt, anger and bitterness that are left after we have been badly hurt? How can we forgive?

We may feel that we cannot forgive, but the Bible doesn't accept this, asserting that we have a choice over whether to forgive. It reminds us that we are all sinners in need of forgiveness, and Jesus has forgiven us much more than we will ever need to forgive another person.

But this is not to imply that any of this is easy; it is likely to involve a real, and probably prolonged, struggle. In the midst of such a struggle, the best way forward is to pray, "Lord, please help me forgive and put this into your hands".

When we are able to put this all into God's hands, then God can also work his healing in us - restoring us mentally, emotionally, psychologically and physically - freeing us and making us whole again; a work that only God can do!