We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are

We cannot help but see the world through our own eyes - what else can we do? Yet our point of view is so familiar that we usually blind to it and so are sometimes taken aback by the difference of another's viewpoint.

At some levels this is easy to accept. Your liking certain foods or fashions that are different to my tastes, and having different interests to my own - that is easy to handle. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" we think when we are aghast that someone else could find that attractive!

But the issue cuts deeper that this. Consider our values, the things we take to be right or wrong. Now we are not talking about our taste in food or style, but our 'taste in truth'. Arghhh! - a contradiction in terms, for truth is truth is truth, surely?

And you may think that here I am becoming one of those 'woolly liberals' who are apparently prepared to accept anything and everything as equally valid. No, I'm not. But nor am I going to fall into the opposite trap of assuming that my version of the truth is the result of my perfect vision and insight! For I cannot get away from the fact that what I see in front of me is a product of my own (no-doubt-biased, partially-ignorant, completely-sinful) mind.

And I'm afraid that this is true, even when, perhaps particularly when, we come to reading the Bible. We can only see it through our own eyes, and what we see says as much about us as about the Bible.

I was struck a while back in a Bible study group when we were looking at Mark 1 v1-13. When asked what the focus of the passage was, we got the following answers:

• John the Baptist baptising Jesus (which is in v9)
• God confirming Jesus as his Son (v11)
• John telling people that Jesus was coming in order to baptise people with the Holy Spirit (v8)
• That after a time of blessing there comes a time of trial (v13).

So, what have we learned from the passage? That the first speaker notices actions, the second is concerned about identity, the third about the purpose of life, and the last has probably learnt this lesson from painful experience. And each had picked out what was relevant to them.

We can - with some validity - say that God had spoken to each one. We can also say - with some validity - that all saw but a small part and missed a very great deal.

So, what was the passage actually about? What is God telling us through this section of his Word? Which of the above answers is true? Each of the above answers contains truth. We learn not just about God, but the way we see His Word (like everything else) also tells us about ourselves.

[NB. Although there may be many right answers, some answers are wrong! For example, the passage does NOT say the Jesus is one of God's many sons, nor is this said or implied elsewhere in the Bible. So we could confidently challenge such a statement if it were made. Not everything goes!]

But it remains the case that we don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.

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Title is a quote from Anais Nin who, though not a heroine of mine, expressed this thought beautifully.

Doing more than half the work

Here are three suggested guidelines related to helping.

They can be applied in just about any setting – practical help, offering guidance, third-world development work, Christian mission…

1. When we do for someone what they can do for themselves, we diminish them and rob them of their dignity.

• How often we demonstrate our ‘helpfulness’ by doing for others what they can do for themselves! But usually we are just demonstrating our pride and our lack of respect.
• And all we are really showing is our own neediness – our need to be ‘top dog’, our need to be needed, our need to be seen as helpful…
• We also show our lack of listening or discernment, our lack of understanding of the other person’s knowledge, skills and capabilities. And so we miss the opportunity to learn from the other and so grow ourselves.

2. Where a task is heavy and some assistance might be appreciated, we may offer to help but we shouldn’t take control; our role is to serve under their leadership; it is their task.

• Where we think we can help, there usually comes an assumption that actually we could do it better than they can. And so we say we are offering to help, but actually are offering to take over!
• But when it comes to knowing what needs to be done, who knows better – the outside ‘expert’ or the person who lives within the situation and brings a lifetime of experience to their situation?
• Just occasionally – though much less frequently that assumed – the outsider may know something that is genuinely useful. But this should be offered very tentatively and humbly, with the decision over whether to take it forward left firmly with the person whose task it is. If it is imposed it will not be adopted or owned, merely tolerated for a while.

3. Even where a person really cannot do something for themselves, don't do more than half the work, as this creates dependence and robs them of learning.

• How much easier it is to do the task for the other, rather than go through the lengthy process of working alongside someone who does not understand!
• But this merely feeds our ego, until we become bored and tire of helping and depart, leaving the other worse off than when we began.
• Rather, work together, offering your skills or understanding, but also listening and learning from the other, so that together you create something which is better than either of you could do alone.

Helping is a difficult task, and not often encountered.