The devil's indecision

How difficult it is to make and own a decision!

There are big decisions, difficult decisions, those where we cannot choose between options because both are good, dilemmas where neither option seems desirable and double-binds where the choices are irreconcilable...

So we take the easy route: we don't decide, we procrastinate and say we'll decide later. But of course, by not deciding, we are in fact making a decision, attempting to maintain the status quo - or at least that is our assumption.

Sometimes we decide against something, for example voting against a political party we dislike at an election rather than voting for what we think is best (at least in those countries where some form of democracy exists). It seems easier to choose not to do something, than to make a positive choice.

Or we can make very small decisions to change. For example we may forego a biscuit in an attempt to lose weight, but continue unchanged with our intake of chocolate and sugary drinks. It's easier to make the little decision than to take the big one.

Sometimes there are moments when we really do have to make a decision because the status quo is no longer possible - and then we are likely to get very stressed.

In fact, it seems very difficult to make a clear, significant, positive decision. It requires honesty about our circumstances and about ourselves. It also requires an act of faith: that our choice will work out for the good.

Certainly, to become a Christian is a life-changing decision, but one that many hesitate over until it's too late. Although the responsibility is ours, the devil seems keen to encourage our indecision!

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I've written about decisions before, see:
Decisions, decisions, decisions and Micro-choices matter

Micro-choices matter!

From time to time major decisions come along that require considerable thought; for example, a change of career direction, whether to get married, the purchase of a house. Then there are other not-quite-so-big, but still notable decisions, such as buying a car, or deciding on a holiday.

For these big decisions, we may research the options and implications, think for quite a while, and discuss the pros and cons with someone we trust before eventually taking action. In fact, for some major decisions, we may hesitate for a long time, occasionally even for years, before finally taking the plunge.

Of course it makes sense to stop and weigh the options before taking major decisions, for the implications of 'getting it wrong' can be severe.

But each day, moment by moment, we are making a multitude of tiny 'beneath-the-radar' choices, which pass almost unnoticed: what to do this evening, whether to buy that little item, whether to phone that person...

We pay little attention to these micro-choices, which are mostly taken on 'auto-pilot'. And yet I believe that this is where the important action is taking place!

This isn't to say that we should agonise over every tiny decision - for we would quickly become immobilised! But it is the cumulative impact of thousands upon thousands of micro-decisions that form the pattern of our lives, that sets the nature of how we relate to others, and that coalesce into our priorities and the values we hold.

From repeated micro-choices come patterns of thinking and thus behaviour. These in turn form a lifestyle and our character. And through these we choose our destiny. And in this context, the decisions we agonised over concerning that holiday or even that mortgage, are of little consequence.

“Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”


[I have seen this quote attributed to John Wesley, to Lau Tzu and to Charles Reade; I have been unable to determine which is correct.]

Decisions, decisions, decisions

A decision is a decision is a decision. Right?

Wrong! A decision is a whole process in itself and we often mistake an idea or an intention for a decision.

Making a decision is a surprisingly protracted process. It involves something like this:

1. Notice an idea - someone else's idea, or an idea of our own
2. Weigh the idea; is it a good idea? a bad idea?
3. If it's a good idea, is it a practical or impractical idea? [... so far we just have an idea...]
4. If it's a practical idea, consider who might enact it; is this idea something that someone might do, or that I might actually do?
5. Do I want to do it? [... now we have a 'good idea' that I'm interested in...]
6. If I want to do it, is it just a 'good idea' or something I actually intend to do? [... now the idea may become an intention, but it's still not yet a decision...]
7. If I intend to do this, when might I do it: sometime? soon? or now? [... now we may be getting close to a decision, though if the answer to this question is 'sometime' it's still just an intention...]
8. I will do it on Thursday. [... now we have a decision!]
9. I will do it on Thursday, in the time I have before I collect the kids from school. [... and now we have a decision and a plan.]

Of course, not every decision involves all such steps or necessarily in this particular order, but I hope the general process is clear: we move from an idea, to an intention, to a decision, to a plan, and finally to action.

Moreover, we tend in natural speech and thought, to include plenty of 'loopholes' in our (apparent) decisions. For example:

• "I really ought to go and see my parents" is not yet a decision, merely a recognition that I ought to do so.
• "I really must lose some weight" is not yet a decision; saying you 'must' is merely a strong way of saying this is a good idea, but it's not yet a decision.
• "I think I'll get some work done on my project today" is not yet a decision, as it's merely stating that you're thinking about doing some work on the project today.

Now you may think that I'm being terribly picky about such small words, as we all know what these phrases mean. The trouble is, that's true. We all know - including ourselves - that these are the kind of things we say to sound like we're making a decision, when inwardly we know full well that we have no real intention of following through on them!

And yet we still wonder why these 'decisions' don't convert into actions, and probably beat ourselves up for having so little self-discipline. But actually, we had never decided to do any of them in the first place.

So, let's be honest with ourselves. Next time you hear someone - or, more importantly, yourself - use phrases like those above, you might wonder whether what is voiced is just a good idea, or an intention, or whether it is actually an 'I'm-going-to-do-this' decision. They are not the same!

Of course, there are many good ideas around, and we all know that 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions'; it may also have some bearing on why some 'decisions to follow Christ' don't get very far ...