Love your neighbour as yourself

Jesus said that the second most important command was to "Love your neighbour as yourself" (Matthew 22 v39, quoting Leviticus 19 v18), as if loving ourselves was the most natural thing in the world and this clearly explained how we should go about loving our neighbours.

It's true that most people tend to eat when they are hungry, warm themselves when they are cold, seek security when they are fearful, etc. But is Jesus simply saying that loving our neighbour involves feeding or warming others when they're are hungry or cold, and offering security when they are afraid?

Moreover, working as a counsellor, I sometimes talk with people who self-harm, have eating disorders, or feel suicidal - people who appear not to know how to love themselves, let alone love others. Even those who don't struggle with such problems frequently behave in ways that are likely to leave them wounded - through the misuse of sex, alcohol or just leading an unhealthy lifestyle. In fact, when it comes down to it, all of us behave in ways that are selfish or self-damaging in various ways. And this isn't loving ourselves - it's love gone wrong, turned into greed or self-worship.

So do any of us really know what it is to love ourselves?

There is more to Jesus' command than simple advice to 'do as you would be done by', which, in the minds of many people is just seen as 'be nice to others in the hope that they'll be nice back', or is sometimes expressed as 'what goes around, comes around'.

Perhaps we need to understand more about love? What did Jesus mean when he said we should love both our neighbours and ourselves?

I drew a distinction between worldly and Godly views of love in one of my earliest posts - Whatever you do, don't love me - but we should look at that wonderful description of Christian love in the Bible to get a clear insight into what it is to love someone.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13 v4-7)

This is proactive love - actively seeking ways to do good to our neighbour; it is much more than merely being nice to people.

Perhaps it is also then an instruction into how we should go about loving ourselves as well as our neighbour? Are we patient and kind towards ourselves? Do we let go of our anger and our grudges - even those we hold towards ourselves? Are we honest with ourselves? Do we forgive ourselves, protect ourselves? Do we trust ourselves - or do we try to deceive ourselves? Do we keep hoping and persevering, trusting that God will bring his good work in us to completion?

If we actively love ourselves in this way - knowing God first loved us - we may also become better at loving our neighbour.