There is a fashion for talking about 'well-being' these days. Counselling services are becoming 'Well-being services' and the UK Government's Office for National Statistics has just completed its first national well-being survey (see: ONS Well-being Survey).
I'm all in favour of considering well-being rather than economics for a change; money and wealth are very bad proxies for quality of life. And thinking about well-being rather than all the plethora of negative mental health diagnoses makes for welcome relief - and improves my well-being immediately!
Working as a counsellor, often with young people, a common line of discussion is what a client's parents may think of their actions or decisions. One type of common reply goes along the lines of "Oh, they just want me to be happy".
But there is a problem here.
The assumption is that happiness is good. This sounds reasonable enough, but it's odd that Jesus never 'sold' Christianity on the basis that it would make you happy. He talked about Christians being blessed and it bringing peace, forgiveness, contentment and joy. He also said that following him led to living life in all its fullness (John 10 v10). But he didn't really mention happiness! In fact there are remarkably few references to happiness in the Bible.
(Don't confuse being blessed or being joyful with being happy! Christian joy is something much deeper and more reliable than mere happiness, which comes and goes as the wind blows.)
However, let's not take the reverse to be true - the Bible is not saying that being a Christian will make you unhappy, despite promising that it was likely to bring difficulty and persecution. Rather the promise seems to be that following Christ will bring purpose, direction, servant-heartedness, and contentment whatever the prevailing circumstances, whether life is easy or difficult.
So our Government's new interest in well-being is a small step in a positive direction - that is, away from measuring everything by money. But let's not be taken in by thinking that well-being or happiness are what really matters, or that they offer life in all its fullness!
Don't settle for well-being when you could have salvation...
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Wednesday, 25 July 2012
Thursday, 17 February 2011
Are you good enough yet?
The TV has just told me (so it must be true) that nine out of ten women are unhappy with their appearance and over half of these want to change the way they look using plastic surgery or the like. This probably applies just as much to men.
But the following, I know is true:
The TV, magazines and advertisements all conspire to tell us “you’re not good, or thin, or beautiful, or wealthy, or successful enough … unless you buy this product, or have this nip and tuck, or...”. And even when we do buy the product or have the uplift, then we’re still not good enough, as we should be even thinner, more beautiful, wealthier, more successful. It's a never-ending treadmill – driven by greed and encouraged by the Enemy: offering happiness, but delivering despair.
We want to be accepted – who doesn’t? This means behaving acceptably in others’ eyes, by the world’s measurements: fitting in, turning a blind eye, keeping up with the Joneses. It's a never-ending struggle – driven by insecurity and urged on by the Enemy: promising contentment and self-esteem, but delivering deceit, a hollow façade, emptiness.
We want to be forgiven and have peace – why wouldn't we? This means trying to be good, be better, be perfect in fact; trying hard, trying harder, trying even harder. It's a never-ending striving – driven by pride and celebrated by the Enemy: guaranteeing self-improvement and satisfaction, but delivering failure.
How odd of God to not realise that we need to earn our salvation! Created? Chosen? Adopted? Accepted? What – for free?
Yes. I was created by God, chosen, adopted, accepted, redeemed and forgiven. I don't need to struggle or strive, to try harder, or be anything other than I am.
But it wasn’t ‘for free’! It was accomplished at Jesus' enormous cost.
Choose carefully who you listen to.
But the following, I know is true:
The TV, magazines and advertisements all conspire to tell us “you’re not good, or thin, or beautiful, or wealthy, or successful enough … unless you buy this product, or have this nip and tuck, or...”. And even when we do buy the product or have the uplift, then we’re still not good enough, as we should be even thinner, more beautiful, wealthier, more successful. It's a never-ending treadmill – driven by greed and encouraged by the Enemy: offering happiness, but delivering despair.
We want to be accepted – who doesn’t? This means behaving acceptably in others’ eyes, by the world’s measurements: fitting in, turning a blind eye, keeping up with the Joneses. It's a never-ending struggle – driven by insecurity and urged on by the Enemy: promising contentment and self-esteem, but delivering deceit, a hollow façade, emptiness.
We want to be forgiven and have peace – why wouldn't we? This means trying to be good, be better, be perfect in fact; trying hard, trying harder, trying even harder. It's a never-ending striving – driven by pride and celebrated by the Enemy: guaranteeing self-improvement and satisfaction, but delivering failure.
How odd of God to not realise that we need to earn our salvation! Created? Chosen? Adopted? Accepted? What – for free?
Yes. I was created by God, chosen, adopted, accepted, redeemed and forgiven. I don't need to struggle or strive, to try harder, or be anything other than I am.
But it wasn’t ‘for free’! It was accomplished at Jesus' enormous cost.
Choose carefully who you listen to.
Saturday, 29 January 2011
Are you a dedicated follower of (emotional) fashion?
Fashions come and fashions go. Fashions in clothing immediately come to mind - styles, colours, hem-lines. Within the realm of fashions, we may also take in particular activities that seem to arise from nowhere and then just as quickly disappear.
But have you thought of emotions as being fashionable or unfashionable? I admit that these fashions don't come and go in a single season, but think back...
In the 50s and 60s it was fashionable to be happy, carefree, frivolous and joyful - but it certainly wasn't acceptable to be depressed - the most anyone would admit to was 'feeling a bit blue'. Whereas, in the last couple of decades its become totally acceptable to respond to the question "How are you feeling?", with "Depressed!"; so much so that it sounds a bit naff to respond by saying "I'm really happy!". Equally, it is not only acceptable to be 'stressed', but if you are not stressed the implication is that you're not trying hard enough, not working hard enough; in fact you are a loser!
There are several factors in our changing use of emotional language.
National and world events are clearly influences: the 1950s were a time of (comparative) excitement and exuberance coming after the strictures of war; the 60s were full of confidence in scientific progress, and so on. Now, we are driven by money and efficiency, are cynical about whether real change is possible and shifting international power catches us (Westerners) off balance. So it would be surprising if the prevailing national mood wasn't reflected in our language.
Another influence comes from the fact that it is in the interest of huge pharmaceutical companies to medicalise our normal experience. Anti-depressants and medications for anxiety, to name but two major groups, are routinely taken by the unhappy and the worried, and not just by those who have real mental health problems. The 'pill for every ill' culture is well established!
But this also further encourages the changing meaning of emotional words. When most people say they are 'depressed' they aren't implying a clinical diagnosis of depression, merely that they are feeling unhappy, a bit down at the moment, rather discouraged or fed-up. The growing acceptability of talking about depression may be a good thing for those who really are clinically depressed, but when it is merged or confused with unhappiness we have a real problem.
It is a problem for those who really are clinically depressed, who are often assumed to be simply unhappy, for this quickly turns into: 'they should stop making such a fuss about it - everyone's depressed!'. But it is a real danger for the unhappy too, who too often don't recognise that our self-descriptive words are self-fulfilling prophecies. Describe yourself frequently enough as 'depressed' or 'stressed' when you are unhappy or busy and it's not surprising that you increasingly feel depressed or stressed.
Words have real power; we should choose them with care! The words we use of ourselves and our mood are not just descriptive, but also become prescriptive.
Happiness is much under-rated these days; it's become a childhood memory, an unfamiliar and under-used emotion. Emotions, like muscles, need exercise. Your depression and stress muscles are probably well built; what about getting some practice with satisfaction, happiness and joy?
This isn't to imply we should pretend to be happy - pretence is a slippery slope. Nor is it about denying the real sadnesses and difficulties in life. Rather it's about noticing and enjoying the (maybe small) bits of happiness that are in our daily experience already, usually unnoticed. Don't think you have any? Look closer! All the emotional colours are there in some measure - from blue to joy. Focus on those you want to develop and give those emotional muscles some practice.
Fashions are optional; we can choose to buck the trend and to 'do different'.
Lots of people, from drug companies to insurance salesmen try to sell us happiness. Why buy a lie? Why not practice and enjoy the real thing?
But have you thought of emotions as being fashionable or unfashionable? I admit that these fashions don't come and go in a single season, but think back...
In the 50s and 60s it was fashionable to be happy, carefree, frivolous and joyful - but it certainly wasn't acceptable to be depressed - the most anyone would admit to was 'feeling a bit blue'. Whereas, in the last couple of decades its become totally acceptable to respond to the question "How are you feeling?", with "Depressed!"; so much so that it sounds a bit naff to respond by saying "I'm really happy!". Equally, it is not only acceptable to be 'stressed', but if you are not stressed the implication is that you're not trying hard enough, not working hard enough; in fact you are a loser!
There are several factors in our changing use of emotional language.
National and world events are clearly influences: the 1950s were a time of (comparative) excitement and exuberance coming after the strictures of war; the 60s were full of confidence in scientific progress, and so on. Now, we are driven by money and efficiency, are cynical about whether real change is possible and shifting international power catches us (Westerners) off balance. So it would be surprising if the prevailing national mood wasn't reflected in our language.
Another influence comes from the fact that it is in the interest of huge pharmaceutical companies to medicalise our normal experience. Anti-depressants and medications for anxiety, to name but two major groups, are routinely taken by the unhappy and the worried, and not just by those who have real mental health problems. The 'pill for every ill' culture is well established!
But this also further encourages the changing meaning of emotional words. When most people say they are 'depressed' they aren't implying a clinical diagnosis of depression, merely that they are feeling unhappy, a bit down at the moment, rather discouraged or fed-up. The growing acceptability of talking about depression may be a good thing for those who really are clinically depressed, but when it is merged or confused with unhappiness we have a real problem.
It is a problem for those who really are clinically depressed, who are often assumed to be simply unhappy, for this quickly turns into: 'they should stop making such a fuss about it - everyone's depressed!'. But it is a real danger for the unhappy too, who too often don't recognise that our self-descriptive words are self-fulfilling prophecies. Describe yourself frequently enough as 'depressed' or 'stressed' when you are unhappy or busy and it's not surprising that you increasingly feel depressed or stressed.
Words have real power; we should choose them with care! The words we use of ourselves and our mood are not just descriptive, but also become prescriptive.
Happiness is much under-rated these days; it's become a childhood memory, an unfamiliar and under-used emotion. Emotions, like muscles, need exercise. Your depression and stress muscles are probably well built; what about getting some practice with satisfaction, happiness and joy?
This isn't to imply we should pretend to be happy - pretence is a slippery slope. Nor is it about denying the real sadnesses and difficulties in life. Rather it's about noticing and enjoying the (maybe small) bits of happiness that are in our daily experience already, usually unnoticed. Don't think you have any? Look closer! All the emotional colours are there in some measure - from blue to joy. Focus on those you want to develop and give those emotional muscles some practice.
Fashions are optional; we can choose to buck the trend and to 'do different'.
Lots of people, from drug companies to insurance salesmen try to sell us happiness. Why buy a lie? Why not practice and enjoy the real thing?
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